The Archduchy of Nizhny Volga is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Archduke Ivan IX with an iron fist, and notable for its teetotalling pirates, strictly enforced bedtime, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 1.982 billion Nizhny Volgar are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Volgograd. The average income tax rate is 72.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Nizhny Volgan economy, worth 339 trillion rubles a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 171,447 rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion, baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward, nephews and nieces of the monarch resort to begging from relatives in palace halls, and stockbrokers dream of getting rich by writing textbooks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nizhny Volga's national animal is the Asiatic black bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Arkurovism.

Nizhny Volga is ranked 282,448^th in the world and 214^th in Confederation of Corrupt Dictators for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 24.58 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.